I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
