Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
