I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
