dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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