last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize