Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
