ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
