I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
