we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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