Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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