Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
