and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
