i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
