I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
