Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
