just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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