there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
