3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
