i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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