Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
