last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
