apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
