Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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