How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
