Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
