Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
