i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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