is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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