Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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