Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
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I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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