I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.