Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad