Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?