I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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