guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
