Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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