Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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