Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
