yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
