You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
