I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
