She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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