Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
