Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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