Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
