we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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