Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
