Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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