Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
