Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
