You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
