Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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