I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
