Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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