My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
