Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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