i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
