marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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