Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
