Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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