my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
