He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
