I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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