why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
